• Carol Amour-Greenbaum

Dating in Midlife in the 90’s

Dating in mid life often felt like I was mountain climbing. “Maybe this time” he’ll be handsome, kind (especially kind), lots of fun and above all else honest. If we connect in an open and fun way and he becomes my dream realized, then sexy wouldn’t hurt. 

The doorbell is ringing. Alex and I have corresponded through the Jewish Journal. I didn’t have a computer back then so we faxed many letters back and forth after he read and responded to my ad.


It read, “If you are interested in meeting a woman who’s full of life a with a variety of interests I may just be “The One” for you. If you like meaningful, open and honest conversation, laugh a lot, are at least 5’10’, enjoy art, theater, and love to dance, please respond to the mail box assigned to me.


Include those qualities about yourself that will entice me to write back.


Please respond to the mailbox assigned to me.


Dear Carole:

I loved your ad. It makes you sound brave, full of life, not to mention a lot to handle. I’m 6’2”. I live in the Marina, and I’m a psychologist. I’m a lousy dancer but am willing to learn if we hit it off after a few dates. I mostly like what I hear which is a woman who knows what she wants. I would like to meet you so where do you live?


Dear Alex:

You sound intriguing to me. I’m also interested in Psychology in which I am degreed. You’re a lucky man to live in the Marina. Do you have a boat? Just so you know, sailing makes me nauseous.


Dear Carole:

You certainly are an honest one, aren’t you? No worries! I don’t have a boat but if I wanted to take you on a romantic cruise, could you handle that? When am I going to get your phone number; for all I know you live in New York.


Dear Alex:

“So you also have a great sense of humor. A cruise sounds divine! Okay, here’s my number, 555-555-5555.


I’m really looking forward to hearing your voice.


You’ve certainly peaked my interest!”


“Hello?” Is this the woman who gets seasick?


Cracking up laughing I say, “Oh my God” in my best valley girl accent. I hear laughing on the other end.

Hi Carole”. You sound wonderful.”


“Oh, good, because I’ve never put a dating ad in a paper. It’s actually kind of weird. I’ve only been single for a few years and this L.A. dating scene is so foreign to me. I was married for a long time.”


Alan says, “You sound so full of life let’s forget this faxing and phoning. I would like to take you to dinner and I don’t mind driving out to Valley Girl Land. Do you feel safe with me picking you up? I’m old fashioned. We don’t even know how old each other is but why don’t we throw caution to the wind? Are you free Wednesday night?” What’s your address?”

Hmmm? I check in with myself and as crazy as it seems, I’m comfortable. “Ok. Here’s my address and directions. How about 7:30 so you can miss the traffic?’


“Great, Carole. I’m looking forward to it.”


“Me, too.”


It’s Wednesday night and exactly 7:30. The doorbell is ringing and I take my time answering. I’m really nervous. I wonder if he is, too. I open the door with a big smile.

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